Lessons So Far

I am writing here less so does that mean I am hurting less...NO does it mean I am closer to acceptance...NO. I do think that I am settling into a world without G. I don't have to like it...but since when does me not liking my life stop it?

I have stamped my feet and moaned, fought and  sulked...all to no avail. So here I am wounded but still standing. A world without G is a little dimmer, it is less a whole lot of  less. The weight that lay on my chest is no longer there. I no longer wish and pray for death to befall me. I am slowly finding an answer in my spirituality for what happens after death. I am way, way more functional in the day to day aspects of living. Missing G is no getting any easier, and i have come to accept that his death will never never be OK.

I still want to hide away from the world yea Miss Havisham, though this is I am learning is a coping mechanism that I utilise in life. I want to but am not hiding away, well not as much and you know what that's OK.

I am learning all the time. The life lessons are coming thick and fast. And I am trying to assimilate these lessons into my previous life, the one before 29th May 2011. So let's look at what Tink has learned thus far.
Grief SUX
 I don't have all the answers I want and probably never will
I have been incredibly blessed to be loved in the way I was loved by G
 I am allow to decide for myself what path my life takes
I am allowed to rest
 How to say NO
 I am loved in a way that still surprises me
My God steps up in a practical way when I need him, and probably when I don't know or think I need him
Love does not end
I am still a student
There is more to life than what I than see and touch
Mortality is overrated
did I mention that GRIEF SUX

So here I am walking in a world without the man who became my centre be that right or wrong that was the truth. The lessons he taught me are still standing in good stead and think they always will.

I miss you Gav, every moment of every day I miss you.