Of all the emotions I have been subjected to in past two months there is new and growing one ANGER. I have read all the grief stuff and know that anger is a part of the process. But it feels toxic, and the word anger feels like the wrong word....it is like a boiling bubbling rage building in me. Triggered by seriously nothing just rising to the surface leaving me grinding my teeth and trembling with effort to suppress it for it is for no one just the fact that we have been ripped off, ripped apart worlds shredded by the loss of G.
Yet again my grief is isolating me, leaving me feeling as though I am not fit for public consumption I feel horrid with this one I try to talk about it but when you ask why I have no explanation. I am just a very pissed off woman right now. There is no reason and there is the obvious reason this is not fair.
I want to rip and tear. Cause destruction and damage. I need to scream and howl at the world. I don't want to be self piteous but how can I when all I want to know is why? Why him ,why us, why me still acceptance seems so very far away. searching every where to find a place I can focus this energy.
While I know I am not I feel as though I am waling through this alone. Tears through rage NOT a great feeling. The desire to squeeze something so tightly it will be pulverised. I expected anger at G but is not directed at him just at life and the world in general.
No comments:
Post a Comment