Distraction

It seems as though my life has become more than a little crazy of late, leaving me wondering what I had done to create all this chaos in multiple areas of my life. Then an angel whispered in my ear that maybe just maybe I was distracting.

I has an little Aha moment, putting all my energy into other people, places and events meant that I didn't have to be present in the experience of grieving G. Running around like a crazy person left a frazzled fairy in it's wake. Here I was wondering why the universe was directing all this drama my way AND it was me avoiding running away from my  process, all the actions I had promised myself and G I would not do.

So here I am trying to pull back and spend time with me and my grief, can't believe those words are emanating from my fingers. There is no honour or respect for the life we share in distraction.

Trying to find my way of connecting again playing with a very tactile way to express my memories creativly. This is going to sound so uncool but I am......wait for it...... scrap booking. There I said it doesn't exectly scream rock  n' roll but there are some other more me plans in place. TBA

Sitting with G's photos transports me to many different places and emotions. There are smiles, giggle and of course the ever soothing tears. As they all are laid out around me I get to talk to him. Revisit the life and adventures we shared. Appreciate that we did live a life that was in the most part joyous. Connect with the gratitude of loving G and being loved by him. I treasure being able to sit with his smile, his cheekiness and those beautiful blue eyes of his. There seems to be a lot of photos with his shirt of .....be was so vain sometimes.

My beautiful beautiful G, I miss you so much but thank you for loving me and allowing me the grace of sharing a life with you.