5 Months

So as the months go on my self expectations rise and  I fail to meet my own criteria. I am nuts I am sure of it. Grief has uncovered the crazy that I really am, it is not the cause but the pain and reflection that is the consequence of loss has snapped the veneer of sanity that I have lived within.

I still find myself attempting to function through what I think life should be like ( auto pilot is on ), but the pretence is exhausting and I am out of alternatives and options for the reason for my own existence. I am not a genius and all though my head never is quiet - I am not a thinker or ponderer, I just have a un-tuned radio embedded  in my skull emitting annoying white-noise all the time.

Is this some kind of cry for help FUCK yes. My God, if you have the answers then don't hold back cause I do not have a fucking clue - I said it I don't know how ... why ... I know nothing at all about life. So all my life experiences bring me here to this point knowing nothing at all .

I need not all the answers to the world , peace, injustice , environmental damage, racism, poverty  not at all . Just one question ... what is the point of ME?