You asked.....

Do you really listen, do I ? I can not seem to be heard it is as though I have lost the ability to talk in my native language I talk to people but they do not hear me it is not as though I am saying anything irrational or bizarre. well OK the wanting not live bit not completely Disney ... but still 2011 is has been a very sucky year , I am feeling as though is not that abnormal to wonder what the point is.... anyway aside from that. I say no thank you to people and no one hears they keep asking or worse hearing a completly different answer.  

Do you ask as question and have my answer already formulated in your brain. Sure I acquiesce you may want something else for me you may think that you answer will benefit me more than mine. Though you asked ME and I honoured you with my truth. I did not lie, bullshit you or piss in your pocket.

Tink do you want to come on holiday with us it will be so much fun ..... no thank you babe I appreciate the offer but I do not want to go the coast with you.... how much more clear can that be but NO after this response on three different occasions..... in frustration I say ...please count me out as this is the place G and I went camping so I really do not feel as though this is a place I am ready to visit. The response I get get is oh don't worry we are not going right there but up the road a bit....why don't you think about it. What did I just speak in chinese I said no.....but it get better now I have let her down OMFG

So what was the right answer?

Gee that will make all the fucking difference wont  a few km's up the road from where me and my dead partner  made memories together.... seriously girl as long as you are not alone....I don't mind reliving those memories that 5 months later....are you fucken serious if you ask me something then LISTEN for the answer it my not be the one you want but it is MY answer

So what is solution ? I don't know well I do avoidance and lying ....but let call this having some space and ummm look I can't think of a nice pc word from lying to you ...

I say acceptance you heard depression. I say freedom you hear suicide. I say relief  you hear relapse. I say reality you hear mental illness. I say broken you hear grief. I say insane you hear sad. I say need peace you hear need medication

I say pain I hope you hear pain.