The Statement

So today I did an interview and statement with the police, at the coroners request. Three and half hours talking about G and our life. My opinions talking to  Detective Girl who who doesn't get the disease concept. I know she was just doing her job but do I really need more to think about right now? PS: the answer is NO. Now there is talk of an inquest what does that mean ? More it means more, more doubt, more questions, more scenarios for my hyper sensitive imagination to play with and yet more places I may have failed G.

Could be they are just crossing their Ts and dotting their Is, but me I like to take the smallest thing and run with it and I am talking a De-Costello run here a true marathoner of head miles, that is me.

So what is it the coroner wanted to know? Well amongst other things Did G ever talk about, consider, mention, threaten, try to end his life? Well here is a new play thing to embed in my brain. Could I missed that ? Did I miss that ? What were his last hours filled with ? Could I haver changed that...He couldn't have really could he? Was it that bleak baby...did you not know I was alway here for you.. I promised never to abandon you but did I ? Why would they ask that question? Is it standard? I don''t even want to write the S word but it is ricocheting around my brain . A different way to reexamine our last moments and days really really could it be. No, not G no no no. What did he say to the last person he saw alive that would make then ask that question....can I call L and ask him? He has already told me his abridged version of events that night but it doesn't sound like the G I know?

What did G and LL argue about (LL is the last person to see G alive). Why ? Apparently an argument ensued in hours before Gs demise. Not quiet the story LL told me in fact quiet different from what LL told me. So what was that about ? So argument....or fight ?

Lots of questions I didn't have 24 hours ago , so a new day and a new labyrinth of thoughts to navigate. Still no closer to acceptance if anything feels like I am slipping further away from it.Can I reach acceptance if I don't have the truth?