So was the day as bad as thought it was going to be?
Well yes I will tell you, it was nothing dreadful happened, I just feel raw outside in world. It is like somehow all my skin has peeled away leaving behind a small vulnerable soul. Open to all the perceived arrows of the human race. Every slight real or imagined stings like hell.
Then when it is finally time I fly straight to my haven like a homing pigeon, so fast and with such purpose I have to be careful not to speed. Not sure what it is I am fleeing from, but as I close the door to my little house and I am able to sink in to the weary exhaustion that has been resting upon me all day,whatever it is easier even if it is only marginally so. I curl up and pray that the world will not intrude. please no knocks at the door, or ringing phone. Solitude requires so little from me and I feel I have little to give.
I am watching as the world goes on, lives evolving, adventures being sought, new toys, new lives, new relationships. And I pout, I want to stamp and scream!!!! I am torn, waking up every morning with a gaping wound where G used to be. Why do people tell it should be getting better. I am telling you it is not, it is not getting better.
I am trying, Daz the psych and my weekly visits, the stupid white pills to ward off depression and anxiety, the journaling, the prayer, the program, answering the phone, going to work, eating, sleeping, exercise,being honest I am doing it all but it still painful and lonely.
G in miss you with every single beat of my heart, my world is duller without you.Please come home.
Where did I put those Ruby slippers?
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