Mortality

As I recall my former self I wonder at is it naiveness or stupidity ? I don't know that is was a conscious thought that I would never be gripped by grief. Did I really assume that all my loved ones were invincible? Or is it that pain truly is in the moment, as is true that you can not remember pain is also such that you can not really envision it either?

The newly educated self of today is acutely aware of mortality. It is not mine that haunts me, far from it in fact. But rather the fragility of those of you I adore. Before the loss of G when I did not see you, hear from you, touch you I was not afraid, today the idea of my world without you in it terrorizes me.

What is it I have not done or said to you today? Do you know I respect and admire you? I feel blessed by your presence in my journey. The courage, integrity and joy you live inspires me. The whispers of trials you endure and secrets you allow me too hold for you, make you only more precious to me than the heartbeat before them. I feel honoured by the sharing. Whilst the memories to grant me are never forgotten or dismissed I too demand the physicality of you. The warmth, the pulse, skin, the noise, the hugs these I do not ever want to mourn.

I would not lets face it could not stop you from living but oh how I want to protect you and me from any thing  that may cause you any harm. If only !!!!

Today I tell you  I LOVE YOU with my words, my prayer, my wishes for you I LOVE YOU